I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
