Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
