I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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