My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
