Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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