you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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