is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
