how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
