these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
