I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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