I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
