Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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