No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
