Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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