I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
