Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
