watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
