Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
