I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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