If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
