You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dear god my vagina.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
