I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ladies don't puke and tell
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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