We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize