Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
