My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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