My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
