If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have tasted many bathrooms
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
