do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
