just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
