he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
