so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
