everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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