Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize