Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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