hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
