dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
