you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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