I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
