Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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