My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize