I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
