thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What a dumb baby whore.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
