i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
