We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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