I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
