my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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