I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize