that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
