I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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