I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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