i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
