could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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