Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
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I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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