you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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