No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
