You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
