This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
