there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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