On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
