i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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