I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i drank out of a bidet.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
