I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
