i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
