too bad you live with your parents still
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
