I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
