the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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