Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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