she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
